Scrum

Scrum is a religious ritual that is commonly practiced at corporations of all kinds and sizes. It consists of wasting an hour or more of your team's time during a workday on a godawful voice call where you have to listen to people chanting horrifying spells consisting of long numbers while the manager rolls around a Jira board at the speed of sound on a screenshare. If the scrum ritual is performed physically, dognuts may be involved. The scrum religion recruits new followers by claiming that it allows people to "catch up" with what their team is doing, however, in reality, it serves no such purpose and only creates a headache for everyone involved.

At Pirate Software

The Pirate Software Scrum Witch

At Thor's company, Pirate Software, the scrum ritual is performed by a being known as the "Scrum Witch". Any of the Goblins may summon her by throwing at least 500 bits in chat (or snagging one of the limited daily Channel Point redemptions) and submitting the spell for the ritual starting with "Madame: ", which can be followed by any text. The Scrum Witch will then scrum the message directly into Thor's scrummy brain.

The following magic words are known to make Thor extra scrummy:

• agile
• sprint
• walk and talk
• circle back
• storming/norming/performing